Dear New Yorkers,
Firstly, thank you very much for letting me come and live in your amazing city for the last four months. I want you to know, before I start on this extended moan, that I really do like you and your city. There really isn't a more intense and spectacular on earth. At least not that I've been to.
But I'm afraid I must correct you on one thing. No, despite what you tell me, London is not more expensive than New York, and I don't need
this recent survey to prove that. Your city is cripplingly, hideously dear and no bleating about the price of a London taxi is going to change the fact that it makes London look like Rotherham in comparison.
First up, rents. Yes, space is at a premium, and yes, half the world wants to live in Manhattan, but still, nearly $4,000 a month for one bedroom and a cupboard-kitchen? For that price I could get
this place in South Kensington. I can only be grateful I'm not paying my rent here.
Secondly - $8? For a beer? In a standard bar? And it's not even a pint? Are you mad? You may pity the Brits for drinking warm beer, but frankly for those prices I would want my beer personally chilled by Barack Obama himself. I'll take the warmest 3 pound pint of Pride over even an icy Sam Adams on a baking hot day if I have to pay that much for it.
Thirdly, I would like to pay less than $10 for a main meal next time I go out please. I'm not asking for much. Just a simple plate of bar food will do fine. In fairness, your standard mid-market restaurant is at least three times as good as its equivalent in London, and for only twice the price, perhaps that makes good value, in a way. But for those of us whose budgets can't stretch much further than a decent cheap meal out every so often, please stop hurting our wallets. They've not harmed you in any way.
OK, so maybe I should cut back on the number of meals I have out. I'll just pop off to the supermarket. Yes yes, Whole Foods is very nice thanks, but I'm not a banker, so where is your budget option? What's that? Whole Foods IS your budget option? Just a lettuce for me then please.
And back to the cabs. Yes, well done, your cabs are much cheaper than those in London. But here's the scoop. We don't take cabs. Those are for rich people and tourists. We have something called a public transport system, which involves subway trains that go more than once every 20 minutes, and, get this, regular buses! Shocking but true.
Anyway, apologies for the rant. I really do love your city. And thanks to the not-paying-rent thing (see above), I've been able to enjoy it in a far less parsimonious fashion than I may have led you to believe. But please don't complain about London being expensive, I promise you it's nothing on what you guys put up with here.